I value sincerity in both others and myself. To me, sincerity is synonymous with honesty. Sincere people shine, whereas false people do not.
Sometimes it is hard to know if someone is sincere or not. Did that person really like my dress...or is she being nice? Do I really look good...or am I fat?
That was the problem when I was very ill with anorexia. I doubted people's sincerity. I didn't believe anyone really cared about me, because I didn't care about myself. And I was ready to jump on anything that fed into my disordered mind. I turned words against me, using them as weapons of self-destruction.
And I lost my sincerity. I wasn't true to myself, because I was a slave to the disorder. But worst, I wasn't sincere to others. Instead, I hid and lied and isolated. I didn't wake up one day and say, Well, I think I will be an insincere bitch. But that is what happened.
I now trust what others and myself say. I have regained myself, and that includes regaining my sincerity.
2 comments:
I like this. I still don't trust entirely. I'm very cautious. For instance, when a person doesn't positively rave about my aesthetics yet I observe that same person raving about another's aesthetics at another blog, I question about what the hell is wrong with me, to not have earned the same raving review. Immediately, I AM FAT. Thanks for writing this... it might help others to be a little less stringent and to trust that which can be trusted, if even just a little bit.
I have done the exact same thing and am in the process of rebuilding sincerity with my loved ones and relationships built on honesty and trust.
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