25 June 2012
June Blogger Challenge: Day 25 — Forgiveness
It has been so hard to forgive myself.
I feel as I have done so much wrong in my life.
When I think...it hurts.
I have abused my body. Starved it. Cut it. Hated it.
It was never good enough.
I was never good enough.
I did many other things wrong; things that hurt others and things that hurt me.
How could I ask for forgiveness when I couldn't forgive myself?
Forgiving oneself is a vital step to healing.
I couldn't move forward without forgiving myself first.
And only then could I forgive those who have hurt me.
I prayed to God and asked His forgiveness.
Sincerely apologized, but only to those who would not be hurt by my apologies.
That's what AA calls making amends.
I need to believe God forgives me.
Sometimes it is very hard, and I find myself slipping into self-hatred again.
Why is it so hard to forgive myself?
Sometimes I feel that I can forgive others so much more easily.
I would never berate them the way I do myself.
I am still learning to be open to others — and God's — amazing gift of forgiveness.
I can no longer afford the luxury of self-hatred and flagellation.
God's forgiveness is there.
All I have to do is believe.