It has been so hard to forgive myself.
I feel as I have done so much wrong in my life.
When I think...it hurts.
I have abused my body. Starved it. Cut it. Hated it.
It was never good enough.
I was never good enough.
I did many other things wrong; things that hurt others and things that hurt me.
How could I ask for forgiveness when I couldn't forgive myself?
However...
Forgiving oneself is a vital step to healing.
I couldn't move forward without forgiving myself first.
And only then could I forgive those who have hurt me.
So...
I prayed to God and asked His forgiveness.
Sincerely apologized, but only to those who would not be hurt by my apologies.
That's what AA calls making amends.
I need to believe God forgives me.
Sometimes it is very hard, and I find myself slipping into self-hatred again.
Why is it so hard to forgive myself?
Sometimes I feel that I can forgive others so much more easily.
I would never berate them the way I do myself.
I am still learning to be open to others — and God's — amazing gift of forgiveness.
I can no longer afford the luxury of self-hatred and flagellation.
God's forgiveness is there.
All I have to do is believe.
3 comments:
Beautiful, Angela.
I hope you can learn to forgive yourself.
you reference AA and amends. Have you looked at the 4th and 5th steps? its through my 5th step that i was able to forgive myself and really put the past behind me.
I wonder why we treat ourselves in a manner we would never dream of treating others. Glad you are learning to forgive yourself and accept God's forgiveness.
You are beautiful, you know. Saying it just in case you don't know.
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