13 June 2012
June Blogger Challenge: Day 13 — Perfect
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be. ~ Yogi Berra
To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~ Elbert Hubbard
It is a cliche borne out of truth — as an anorexic, I have long struggled with the idea of perfection.
I wanted to be perfectly thin. Perfectly intelligent. Perfectly . . .
Of course, I never could succeed. All that aiming for perfection caused me was anxiety. I was never thin enough. I was never smart enough.
I was never enough.
Starving, hating myself; that did not bring about perfection. Instead, it brought about pain. And fear. And anxiety. And most of all, self-hatred.
I believe I had anorexic tendencies long before I developed anorexia. Since I was very young, I have strived to be . . . perfect.
And it caused me to hate myself.
This quest to be perfect did not allow me to see what was good about myself. That I was intelligent. That I was beautiful in my own way. My sense of humor, the grace in which I treat people, my kindness . . . all of this was lost as I sought perfection.
Perfection does not exist. Not even in nature. Look at a flower. Or a tree. Or an animal. Each one has flaws.
This does not make it bad or worthless, but instead these flaw or imperfections make each living creature, flora and fauna, unique and special and wonderful.
The only perfection that exists is God and His perfect love for us. To try and imitate that is only going to cause us pain.
And it is a relief to no longer strive for perfection, and to just be.