29 December 2010

Becoming myself

I now know I must recover for myself alone. I must discover who I am under the layers of anorexia, and it will be hard and painful work.
But these are my choices — full recovery or anorexic purgatory. And I refuse to only exist. I refuse to continue with this half-life of anorexia.
I want to know fun and laughter and deep, abiding joy again. Today I felt it is possible. I can do this. I can do this for me. I can learn to love myself and feel worthy of eating and life.
I need to become myself again. This is a new journey of Leaving ED, one that will be filled with tears and pain and happiness and life. I am ready.
I will not be taking this journey alone. I have so much support from my wonderful sister, Samon, my friends, and most importantly, from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am blessed and humbly grateful for the things I have in my life.
This does not mean I don't miss David or don't want him to return. I love him very much. But I want him to return to a healthy, strong and recovered woman. He deserves that, and we both deserve a full and rich life free from anorexia. I believe it can happen if I trust in the Lord and do the things I must do.


K8B said...

I wish you all of the very best Angela. I truly hope and pray that you are able to climb this long and rocky road.
Please take care of yourself and don't let anorexia claim another victim. I learnt this morning that Isabelle Caro who appeared in the 'No Anorexia' poster campaign in Europe has died at the age of 28having fought for 15 years. Rest in peace Isabelle.
God Bless

Ophelia said...

Yes, I believe you can too.
It will be the hardest thing you ever do, but also the most wonderful xx

Zena said...

I knew you would make this choice, to FIGHT, you are so strong and brave Angela, Im so proud of you, Yes our Lord will help us through, did you look into Remuda, they are a christian facility, not just christian based, but as in they have services 7 days a week, and you must attend 6, but most girls go 7 as the music and speakers are amazig ad its so uplifting to your spirit, my theripist there and all the other therapists pray before and after each session and group, ad before all meals for YOU in individual sessions and for the group in group T., Its a wonderful place, the grounds ( I was in Arizona, they also have one in virgina are beautiful) and they have equine therapy, which is AWESOME, my horses name was it ernie and he was AMAZING, I really think it would be a great fit for you, just look into it, pretty please, for me.



Lisa said...

This realization is great! You have got to recover for yourself. Recoverying for others - at least in my experience usually just leads into a relapse...

you can do this :)


Anonymous said...

For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. Isaiah 41:13