29 September 2010

Dear Anorexia . . .

Dear Anorexia,
You made me
Sm
  al
    le
      r
Shrinking
me
and my
W O R L D.
Leaving me with
n    o    t    h    i    n   g . . . . . .


Intertwined
for years,
when you started to fade away
my fingertips would
reach out,
grasping for you
afraid

Anorexia is thy name
And I was thee.

My soul and yours
a hazy mixture
Unable to be part of
Life


You did serve
A purpose
Or two

Protecting me
In a strange and
S I C K
way.

Anxiety calmed
Depression staved off

(For a while, anyway
It was never a permanent
Fix.)

It is so hard
To let go
even now

Your voice still screams
You don't deserve
to eat
You don't . . .

But I know there is
No
option of returning to you

In order to live,
I must allow you to
die.

It is time
to say good-bye.

Your usefulness
Is gone
All you can bring me is
Grief.

And I have already cried
so many t
                e
                  a
                    r
                      s
because of you . . .

Anorexia

Now
I want
life
mind
soul
body

The arms of my
husband around me
Not your snakelike
Tentacles.

Friends
Conversations
Reading
Writing

Laughter

The smile
that you tried to
kill.

My thoughts
are becoming
Free
of your interference

And I am beginning
to finally
rediscover

Me.

7 comments:

Silly Girl said...

Beautiful! It brought tears to my eyes. You give me hope.

Sensory Overload said...

I echo what Silly Girl says and add what an inspiration you are.

Jess said...

Angela,

This was so beautiful!!! Thank you for sharing, I can definitely relate. You should be so proud of yourself for your willingness and determination to leave Anorexia in your past and rediscover who you are. Keep it up!!! I hope that things have been going well since your husband moved back in- thinking of you!

<3

Ashley said...

I love the poem--it is very touching. Thank you for sharing it with us.

lisalisa said...

Dear ED,

You suck.
I won.
Goodbye.

-Angela


Angela you are awesome! Keep kicking Ed's @ss!

XOLisa

I Hate to Weight said...

Well said. And I mean it -- what evocative writing.

I'm so glad to hear all of this. yes, it is wonderful to be in your husband's arms and how awful to be stuck in Anorexia's tentacles.

You're an extraordinary woman

Danielle said...

Beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing it.