Vows meant truly (a poem)

Vows meant truly

Shattered pieces of my soul

Gathered in my hands

Leaking, draining

Spilling over

Like rain

Falling on the dry, hard soil.

I struggle to hold the shards

Inside my palms

Cutting, ripping

Crushed

Like glass

Falling all around me.

Heart-words swirling

Within my brain

Love, commitment

Forever

Lies told

Falling apart in an instant.

I fight to keep dreams alive

Inside my shattered soul

But my hands are

Like a sieve

And everything pours out.

Lost

Gone

Forgotten

Vows meant truly.

Dear Anorexia . . .

Dear Anorexia,
You made me
Sm
  al
    le
      r
Shrinking
me
and my
W O R L D.
Leaving me with
n    o    t    h    i    n   g . . . . . .


Intertwined
for years,
when you started to fade away
my fingertips would
reach out,
grasping for you
afraid

Anorexia is thy name
And I was thee.

My soul and yours
a hazy mixture
Unable to be part of
Life


You did serve
A purpose
Or two

Protecting me
In a strange and
S I C K
way.

Anxiety calmed

Depression staved off

(For a while, anyway
It was never a permanent
Fix.)

It is so hard
To let go
even now

Your voice still screams
You don't deserve
to eat
You don't . . .

But I know there is
No
option of returning to you

In order to live,
I must allow you to
die.

It is time
to say good-bye.

Your usefulness
Is gone
All you can bring me is
Grief.

And I have already cried
so many t
                e
                  a
                    r
                      s
because of you . . .

Anorexia

Now
I want
life
mind
soul
body

The arms of my
husband around me
Not your snakelike
Tentacles.

Friends
Conversations
Reading
Writing

Laughter

The smile
that you tried to
kill.

My thoughts
are becoming
Free
of your interference

And I am beginning
to finally
rediscover

Me.