I have family who loves me.
I have a job that I adore, and that makes me feel worthwhile.
I am finally rebuilding my life after things started to implode in 2010...
And I hate my body
I HATE my body
There's no getting around that fact.
And I'm angry about it.
It seems as if many ED recovery blogs show recovery as all lightness and fluff. You push past the fear, you post smiley "Operation Beautiful" affirmations on your bathroom mirror, you do a lot of yoga, and ... and you are recovered. Slim, beautiful, worthy of admiration because you came through the fire and look amazing for it.
What about the rest of us?
What about those of us who careened past recovery weight and are now tipping precariously into the overweight, or even God-forbid, obesity range?
We hear it all the time - love your body. YOUR body. And typically the person spouting that is still acceptably slim, slim enough for society to accept her, while not so slim to be considered anorexic anymore.
What about the rest of us?
Those of us who are fighting the Buddha belly and the thunder thighs; those of us who are not slim by society's standards, those of us who really are overweight and yet we are constantly bombarded with the message that we are to LOVE YOUR BODY.
I don't want to love this body. This body is overweight and tired and has high blood pressure.
This body is too-round and too-curvy and too, dare I say it? Too large.
Does loving my body mean not taking care of it? Have I loved my body so much that I've put it in danger? Did I listen to those affirmations too much, forgetting that loving my body might mean keeping it a healthy weight? Not around 155-160 pounds for a small-framed woman of 5'3"?
My ED doctor says I'm not overweight. My GP tells me not to stress about my weight.
But how long should I love this body, before love kills me as anorexia tried to?
And why is it that it seems as if the strongest advocates for "loving your body" are those who are slim, those whose bodies don't offend society?
