TRIGGER WARNING — Numbers are in this post.
I found out today that I am at least 10 pounds overweight, and most likely, because I am small-framed, about 30 pounds.
I need to lose 30 pounds.
I am speechless.
I knew I was heading in this direction, but of course no one wanted to say anything to me. Who wants to say to a recovering anorexic — the eating disorder voice is still very strong — that she needs to lose weight. I wouldn't.
But weight does effect health, and now I am in the position that I need to lose instead of gain.
I had hoped that I might be able to move past weight. I had hoped that this, all of this, wouldn't be a focal point of my life.
I had hoped to achieve recovery, but right now it feels as out of grasped as when I was at my thinnest.
I can't believe this.
I am so upset.