TRIGGER WARNING — Numbers are in this post.
I found out today that I am at least 10 pounds overweight, and most likely, because I am small-framed, about 30 pounds.
I need to lose 30 pounds.
I am speechless.
I knew I was heading in this direction, but of course no one wanted to say anything to me. Who wants to say to a recovering anorexic — the eating disorder voice is still very strong — that she needs to lose weight. I wouldn't.
But weight does effect health, and now I am in the position that I need to lose instead of gain.
I had hoped that I might be able to move past weight. I had hoped that this, all of this, wouldn't be a focal point of my life.
I had hoped to achieve recovery, but right now it feels as out of grasped as when I was at my thinnest.
I can't believe this.
I am so upset.
5 comments:
Has a doctor said that you need to lose weight to be healthy? Can someone with a history of anorexia safely "diet?" I don't think so. Can you make your lifestyle a healthier one? Yes. You could add moderate exercise in if you don't already. You can make healthier food choices if there is room for improvement in that area, and those things alone would improve your health. I don't think the goal should be to lose weight in your case. You are not obese by any stretch of the imagination, and I have a hard time believing that your health is at risk at this point. We can all stand to improve our health in certain areas, but don't focus on the goal of weight loss. Sending you {{{HUGS}}} You are going through a lot right now, and it would be easy to relapse, so my support and healing thoughts are with you!
how do you feel about your body? you haven't written that you're feeling miserable in it.
Like Angela, i can't imagine that you are so seriously overweight or that your health is at risk.
how has your eating been, i wonder? has it felt out of control.
one side thought -- you're going thru a tough time but you can and will get thru it with or without losing or gaining weight or dieting or a meal plan or.....
you can and will manage a difficult time by relying on God and taking the steps/actions to do what you need to, regardless of your weight.
now that's something i find truly comforting in my own life.
Certainly, if you need to make behavioral changes, then do so, but your goal shouldn't be weight loss. The body can be at a variety of weights and have really no health consequences.
Any sort of diet for someone with an ED is just asking for trouble. The potential problems associated with overweight are NOTHING compared to the health problems we know are associated with an ED relapse. Look up the Health at Every Size (HAES) approach- it's a good way to work on improving your health (which is the ultimate goal anyway, right?) without dieting or focusing on weight.
I appreciate you sharing this because I believe it happens more than people would like to admit and it's super scary! BUT it's also a part of normal growth and development, our weights fluctuate. Hang in there lady, it might be best to get back into therapy and see a nutritionist if you aren't already (just found your blog). Know that you're not alone and you will get to that place where food can't have an effect on you slowly but surely! Take each day as it comes!!
you are beautiful, just the way you are.
remember operationbeautiful.com
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