18 November 2011

Tired

I am sick with a strep infection and I am tired and I feel very discouraged right now. I keep waiting for something inspiring and beautiful to enter into my head, but it doesn't. I keep waiting to think about something hopeful and encouraging to write for all of you, but I fail. The truth is that right now I don't feel hopeful or inspiring or any of those positive things I said I would after changing the name of this blog.

Instead, I feel alone and depressed and physically drained, and I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to spend his life with me. I feel like all of this is my fault, and I deserve to suffer...

7 comments:

Telstaar said...

You do NOT deserve to suffer. The situation you're in is somewhat sad, but there are things around the corner. God hasn't given up on you, so don't you give up on yourself or your life. Its okay to just feel the grey day and let it pass, but don't let it take up residence. Life is a tricky lottery a lot of the time I think, but you love your study and writing and you're great at supporting people.... there are important things for you to do, so don't give up on yourself or your life just yet.

love you and praying xo

alison barton said...

Hi Angela,
I want to reach out to you and hold you up. No one deserves to suffer. that means you, I want to help you and say try and find a degree of joy, rest or pleasure in any small thing that you can today, but I know its hard baby steps little by little keep going. Love Alison

Ashley Noelle said...

It is easy to be down when you are down. Life does kick our butts once in while, but this doesn't mean we can't get up and keep going.

I hope you feel better! Thinking happy thoughts for you.

Hugs.

Sensory Overload said...

I'm sorry that you've been feeling physically ill. I believe that the body manifests when the spirit is out of balance. Or when any of the aspects of the whole being are out of balance.

You've been having to face a lot. A LOT. Allow yourself the space to process and grow. Allow yourself the grace that you'd another.

You do not deserve to suffer. And in no means are you inclined to put forth energy you have none to give. That doesn't mean it isn't stowed away some place or simply building in its strength.

Sending thoughts and prayers of goodness and warmth to you Angela.

With light.

The Dandelion Girl said...

I don't believe in faults, because I don't believe they change anything...

I don't believe anyone deserves to suffer... I believe that everyone's deserving of a life worth living.

I DO believe that all feelings are valid though. So I won't attempt to invalidate you by saying yours are wrong... they represent where you are at present... and that's okay. Where would you like to be though? I find keeping that hope in my heart helps.

be gentle with yourself.

SpitsAtMirrors said...

Dear Angela,
I have been following your blog for several months now- I forgot how I stumbled upon it, but I'm glad I did. The reason I decided to follow your blog is you struck me as a person so full of light and goodness, and even when you are feeling down and struggling, your spirit still shines through (thus, the title of your blog is quite apt!). You seem to be filled with love and goodness- heck, even I, a random person on the internet, can detect that. So, I do not think you have to worry about being alone; I think anyone who comes into contact with you will see what a special person you are, and would be lucky to have you as a friend, or more. So please don't worry about being alone! As for right now, just try to be good to yourself. **I'm afraid I don't have any magic words of advice to make the pain go away, but I just wanted to reach out and say that I think you're a wonderful person (and a wonderful writer!). YOu don't deserve this pain, but you will get through it!
-Jen

sarahlynn said...

You might not be able to see it, but I do: you are amazing. Kind. Funny. Smart. Dedicated. Selfless. Beautiful. Supportive. LOVED. By me & lots more, I know. I know your ability to see the joy and to write will come back - but don't be afraid to write in the down moments too. We ALL have them... and we can get through them - sometimes we just need to talk about it.

*hugs*