The depths

I haven't blogged in a while, and probably won't for a while after this post. I am sick, so sick I can barely move some days, and I'm going on temporary leave from work this week. I don't know what happened to make me feel so physically tired and terrible, and I dread the search for answers. I just pray my doctors can make me better again - my husband, family and friends all believe I will get better, and I have to believe in their hope.

If you don't hear from me for a while, I wish all of you the best in your recovery efforts and please remember to relish each day that you can just move and do normal things - these days are more precious than I can ever describe.

A celebration

It's working! Three meals, three Ensures - every day, no matter what - and I've gained weight. And I'm happy.

It means I'm beating that demon, that evil spirit who tried to steal my life - anorexia. I never, ever thought I'd be happy to see a higher number on the scale - but I am! It means my life is coming back to me.

I'm elated!

What's wrong with being fat?

Someone recently asked me, "What's wrong with being fat?" The answer I came up with - because of how society treats and views fat people - just doesn't add up to me anymore.
I keep thinking of her question, why people with anorexia are so afraid to be fat. Society? The media? The fact you see the beautiful, thin people on every billboard, in every television show and plastered across this country.
Anorexia plasters you. It nails you down and sucks out your life, filling it with anxiety and a desire for perfection that you can never meet. As I (or anyone with anorexia) look at our thin, plastered down bodies, may be we should think - There's nothing wrong with being fat. Most of the fat people I know are living their lives, not counting calories or fighting this demon.
I don't know the answer to this person's question, but maybe it's good I'm now asking it.