Anatomy of a (Re)Lapse | Surviving ED

Anatomy of a (Re)Lapse | Surviving ED

June Blogger Challenge: Day 27 — Bliss

Bliss

Bliss...
A warm breezy summer's day
Happiness within
A good book
A smile from a friend
Belonging to myself
Cuddles from my kitty
A cold creamy taste of chocolate ice cream
The sky, light blue and fluffy clouds; the feeling I could become one
The first taste of sweetness; cool upon the tongue

Freedom from the voices within
Peace; sweet, unfathomable peace

When will I truly feel that I deserve bliss?

(No Title)

Sometimes there are no words........

June Blogger Challenge: Day 25 — Forgiveness

Forgiveness

It has been so hard to forgive myself.
I feel as I have done so much wrong in my life.
When I think...it hurts.

I have abused my body. Starved it. Cut it. Hated it.
It was never good enough.
I was never good enough.

I did many other things wrong; things that hurt others and things that hurt me.
How could I ask for forgiveness when I couldn't forgive myself?

However...
Forgiving oneself is a vital step to healing.
I couldn't move forward without forgiving myself first.

And only then could I forgive those who have hurt me.

So...
I prayed to God and asked His forgiveness.
Sincerely apologized, but only to those who would not be hurt by my apologies.

That's what AA calls making amends.

I need to believe God forgives me.
Sometimes it is very hard, and I find myself slipping into self-hatred again.

Why is it so hard to forgive myself?
Sometimes I feel that I can forgive others so much more easily.
I would never berate them the way I do myself.

I am still learning to be open to others — and God's — amazing gift of forgiveness.
I can no longer afford the luxury of self-hatred and flagellation.

God's forgiveness is there.
All I have to do is believe.

June Blogger Challenge: Day 23 — Soul

I am . . . a soul
My body,
A House

Why all this focus on the body?
Its weight
Its shape
Its imperfections

Made in the image of
God

He made me
Perfect
And I turn that around
To mean

Nothing

My soul
buried
Under layers of

Self Hatred
Self Denial
Self Abuse

Cutting
Revealing
Skin
Blood

My Soul
Aches

Why should I
Punish
Myself

For imperfections?

That God
Does not
See

Instead,
He sees
My Soul

The Spirit Within

And Beauty Takes
Flight

My Soul
Free

Rejoicing
Weightless

And I
Become
One

With
My
Creator